saying goodbye
by babygirl100034
Summary: Bella is dying, she has lived her life without Edward, and this is her saying goodbye in a letter to her mom and father. sorry for any grammar or missed spell still do not have a beta. do not own the twilight goes to Stephenie Meyers the plot is mine


You know it funny, there was a time I would of have died for Edward, then I think, what the fuck was I thinking, letting that user change me.

For what?!

So that I belong and have a family that takes care of me?

When in all reality they were just having fun with the little human.

All the depression and crazy shit I did, for nothing, because they are not worth the time, effort, my breath. I hope to never see those fuckers again.

I will have a litter ready if I ever see those sparky fuckers again.

The worst part was me believing I actually love Edward, I love that for once in my life I had a choice to do something fucking stupid, that I can say, yes I had a dumb ass feeling to be reckless and actually be a teenager instead of the adult.

And I fucking regret it, I could have stayed the adult, and live the boring as life that I was supposed to live.

Now I'm stuck in the fucking supernatural world because I'm living a secret that I'm not supposed to know about, there always going to be a death threat on my door, one day the Cullen is going to slip up.]

And bam! I on the hit list for the Volturi

Who knows by the time the Cullens fuck up ill be dead and had lived the life, I wanted to live on my own terms.

Hell I may even have had kids, a husband and grate grandkids, or maybe hell, I made so much money that I was able to do what the fuck I wanted and live life on the wild side and just left Fork, Washington behind and lived like there was no tomorrow.

But I will never know that because sadly I'm dying. And I want to die. You know if I had the choice to do it all over again I would of have enjoyed my life just a little more.

Did regular teenager shit, went to a party, got wasted, smoke some pot. Shit even had sex, but not with Mike Newton though, lol, honest I would of have live like it was my last day and enjoyed life to the fullest.

Being here has taught me some shit, firstly don't be scared of death, it a part of life, we die, we love and we lose, but most of all I find that once we trolley accept death, there nothing to fear, there is nothing to be mad about. It just there and there nothing to do about it.

I can say some shit like there is never going to be another like me, but do I really know that there got to be kids who took care of there mother, who had to get shit done and sacrifice happiness for there family.

Like honestly, I do not believe I'm the only one like that.

I believe God put some people just like myself, on this earth.

Hell, maybe we didn't do exactly everything like I did but still in the concept did what they had to do to take care of there family and to sacrifice a lot of shit to make them happy even if you yourself are miserable.

Not to say I don't love Renee or Charlie, but there is not enough day and years for me to help them understand why I accept why it is my time to fly.

Why i am happy that its my time to go. Why this world does not call to me. Never really has.

I feel as if I have never belonged, that I myself was not supposed to exist. I have never felt right in this world we call earth. That I always kinda felt invisible even being surrounded by people who love me and wish for me to be able to stay earthbound.

This life has never accepted me for who I am, the person who just wishes they were never born.

For people to realize, I am so much more than this, meaning I am more than what I want to be, or my guiding gift to take care of people, is the sacrifice I made to make my family happy.

But when all I wanted was to drift away and be by myself and have the peace and quiet and to live where I can be happy, because I have never been fully happy with this life.

I literally accept death I know I keep saying it, but it truth as hell. I have no fear, wither I go to heaven or hell, does not matter. To finally be at peace with myself is all I have ever wanted.

To look at myself and see that I did all I could to prepare my family and friends. There no need to be sad, there no need to cry. And there no need to be mad or upset about my death.

I want you all to be happy, to celebrate myself and to know I will always be in your heart, I will be in your memories, sprits, and to be in every thought. Hell, just know ill be at peace. And that I died with a smile on my face. And who knows maybe we will meet again

But either way, just know you guys had my love and had some of the best days of my life and to be kind to each other and to live every day like it your last. and to have fun and be happy and to accept death when it's your time because there nothing to be scared of.

Honest to god, nothing to be scared of and remember I love all of you.

To the end of time.

You know what funny, I thought I died of a broken heart when Edward left but I healed and lived my life for the short years and died of cancer. Breast cancer.

Didn't even know I had the bitch until it was too late. I got to say what a way to go.

Yes, I am joking about my death,

do you know how long I have waited for this day. Years I tell, I am dying at 21 fucking one years old, can you fucking believe it.

I cant I thought god would of have had me wait even longer but he must need me, sorry for the joking but I can't stop.

I loved, I lost, but I cannot wait for the rest and peace I'm about to have. For me to be finally free and happy, because you know I was never more at peace with myself than I am now.

So remember I love you guys.

To mom, remember I love you and you have Phil now, pop out a baby for that fool.

Dad, we are one of the kind, even in my heartbreak you were there for me and when I got over the fucker, we had great bonding time, remember those times. Cause they will be with me forever no matter where I go, even in spirit.

P.S if you are reading this, it means I have died, but don't be sad. Live life and remember I will always be in your hearts, body mind and soul.

Love Bella


End file.
